Original Commentary

I hope I made Patrick snarky enough in these comics... it's actually quite hard for me to draw him being such a jerk... it's a shame, really...

I went looking at some of the older comics (yes, now comics from a couple of weeks ago are now considered "old") and Patrick's hair has changed quite a bit in these comics... going from a little tussled to full on Jeff. I mentioned to Terrence that the next time we introduce a brand new character, have him show up once, then show up again at a later date so when I draw him from memory and it's not quite right, we can blame it on time passing. XD -Isabel

Modern Commentary
This story is Patrick's introduction. He's had like three lines in the last fifteen comics. It's important to get across that he has a higher opinion of himself than of this company or Brisbane.

HOWEVER

After you drop the backstory that drives the entire comic, do NOT have someone immediately say that the it's boring or irrelevant.

You risk having the readers agree with that. - Terrence

Original Commentary

And here they are, talking about what to get for lunch. If anyone says You Say it First is an action-packed comic, I believe I proved them wrong. If I showed thought bubbles regularly, Brisbane's, in the last panel, would be "It's still a step up from my official title of 'Lackey'". But we very rarely use thought bubbles and it just seemed wrong to let everyone inside his head just for the sake of a punchline - Terrence

Modern Commentary
"In late, out early" is the maxim of storytelling. Show the most interesting bits and cut out the parts that don't add to the story.

I had a tendency to show the entirety of a conversation. I think we should have cut this comic. Perhaps I needed a little more time to edit the first conversation between Patrick and Kimberly - Terrence

Original Commentary

This comic was originally set to have aired yesterday, but after re-reading things, I didn't think the transition was quite clear... we don't know much about Patrick (including how well he knew the area). Yesterday's comic gave that tidbit of semi-important information which without made this comic a bit confusing... at least to me. Quite honestly I asked Terrence to re-write today's comic a few times because I just didn't understand why Brisbane was trying to say in that last panel. Fortunately Terrence rewrote it and now I'm happy. Terrence is just happy not to have to re-write it again. -Isabel

Modern Commentary
Patrick is not complaining about a specific problem with the hot dog stand. He's against this kind of area, this kind of company, this kind of city. But rule of threes. He needs to be a lot more like this or a lot less like this...

This successfully conveys that Patrick's attitude has worn down Brisbane's patience and the two of them just aren't going to get along.

But I wish I had put a bit more into the first two panels. Maybe show the exterior of the Sales and Marketing building and have Patrick be disappointed he's working there, instead of him just complaining, in the abstract, about the idea of hot dogs - Terrence

Original Commentary

Are the characters aware they're delivering a punchline? Well, yes. They're trained vaudevillians. That's what they do best. It's not that they're aware they're in a comic or anything like that. They just have a naturally good sense of timing. I'm not really sure what they do in a day, anyhow.

Originally, I was going to have Brisbane explain the situation to Kimberly off-panel and have the comic just lead in with Kimberly asking what she's supposed to do with the new employee. Isabel thought it needed a bit more of a transition from the last comic, and added the first line - Terrence

Modern Commentary
Richard is the one filling out paperwork, if you're keeping track.

Is Kimberly the manager there? I think more by process-of-elimination than a real promotion. So now she gets a field promotion, all the responsibility, but no title nor pay increase and it's part of a clever plan that her mother had... - Terrence

Original Commentary

I had some difficulty getting Patrick's middle line just right... making sure it wasn't too condescending (but a little at the same time) but at the same time making his intentions a bit obvious.

I wrote out the last part of this week as well as the next of this arc. I had a few plans on what I wanted to do that Terrence wasn't quite sure how to set up some of the things I wanted to do later on, so I did it myself. -Isabel

Modern Commentary
It makes sense that Ms Taylor would be asking after Brisbane. He was asked to walk the new guy to the new building, not stop and talk to Dan to get two-hour history lesson.

This is where Isabel tagged in, which is good - Terrence

Original Commentary

When I showed Terrence the script to this comic, he really didn't get where all the hostility was coming from... since I've been rather out of it as of late, it was difficult for me to explain to him at the time, but now that he's seen the visuals to this comic, he understands why certain characters have certain problems towards other characters.

Kimberly can be rather like her mother when it comes to business and romance at the office it seems... hopefully not TOO similar, for poor Brisbane's sake... -Isabel

Modern Commentary
Patrick is taller, better looking, and richer than Brisbane. There are a lot of comics that would have had him as a rival for Kimberly's affection.

Isabel may have had to talk me out of that. If we had introduced him a year or two earlier, that may have been a thing but this is more interesting and I'm glad that he gets shut down immediately - Terrence