Monday, May 16th 2005 - [298]A Picnic in the Park (13 of 24)
Original Commentary
We've got a David in Spare Parts too. And with a similar hair color. This is entirely a coincidence, honest. In the early drafts, he was named Robin. But it didn't work with that name, so I changed it. We didn't notice the similarities until today - Terrence
Modern Commentary
Huh. He's not based on Spare Parts David?!?
That's...weird. So if the plan wasn't for him to maybe rope Brisbane and Friends into a random creative pursuit, what was it?
In Spare Parts, David is a leader and a dreamer. He'd show up with half a plan, like making a horror movie or releasing a video game and rope everybody into it.
He had no idea what he was doing, no experience, and no resources. He'd get a ragtag band of students to create something by sheer enthusiasm.
But sometimes you need more than enthusiasm. There's a reason why people go to film school, because all the technical bits of making a movie, all the language of storytelling, all the business knowledge that's involved in actually getting your film in front of an audience - those things all matter.
But here we are, not entirely self-taught but mostly figuring things out ourselves as we go. So we're coming at it from a place of sympathy.
If he wasn't initially based on Spare Parts David, then he kinda fell into it because there wasn't much else there for him. - Terrence
Tuesday, May 17th 2005 - [299]A Picnic in the Park (14 of 24)
Original Commentary
No, Jane (and Jake) has never met Kimberly. The "five minutes later" was added at Isabel's suggestion because otherwise, there's a bit of a gap between the panels. I had considered adding a third panel, but Isabel's feeling sick now and I want to go easy on her - Terrence Modern Commentary
There are certain things that happen offscreen. I like to show everything that needs showing but Kimberly did not tell Emily about Jane. Kimberly didn't tell Emily about anybody.
Kimberly is probably vaguely aware of Jane. I'm sure Brisbane told Kimberly about her and Kimberly was probably paying attention. But Jane is, at this point, Brisbane's friend's friend.
Jane and Emily would both end up in Sofia's friend group and hung out sometimes. But right now, we didn't have enough for them to really play off each other. - Terrence Wednesday, May 18th 2005 - [300]A Picnic in the Park (15 of 24)
Original Commentary
"That's really kind of you" is a much more sincere phrase than it would be if Brisbane used "nice" or any other adjective. I wanted him to sound so sincere. I should do that more; especially with Jeff. Jeff is supposed to project an effortless and constant sincerity. Also, I had originally planned on David going up to Emily, Emily hugs him, and Jane escapes. But the punchline was along the lines of Emily talking about how she pays attention to David while ignoring him. It just seemed too cartoony - Terrence
Modern Commentary
Two comics ago, David says he was going to ask Emily where the extra croissants were. That's why he's answering Brisbane's question like that. I kinda wish we had made that a bit clearer in this specific comic, though.
The general idea was that Emily and Kimberly, who are officially "friends", can't stand each other while their boyfriends get along swimmingly. I like the juxtaposition, but that's not a lot of material to work with. And it doesn't answer questions like "What kind of guy is David?".
He's not really making a big impact here, unfortunately.
- Terrence Thursday, May 19th 2005 - [301]A Picnic in the Park (16 of 24)
Original Commentary
Both comics are going for that whole parallelism thing today, aren't they? That's the thing is, it's been made quite plain what Emily thinks of Brisbane, but her opinion of Kimberly is, well, more complex. And David just wants to make friends. That's the thing is, whenever we have parallel characters (like David and David) there are major differences between them. SP-David keeps screwing people over for no good reason. YSIF-David doesn't, so far - Terrence Modern Commentary
Kimberly's just here to cause chaos and if that means she doesn't get invited to more picnics, that's just an added bonus.
She's not surprised that Brisbane made a new friend, because that's what Brisbane does when you leave him alone in a crowd of strangers.
I like the basic structure of this story, I just wish I had come up with a better plan for Kimberly than "hide the food at the picnic". It's not really funny enough or destructive enough or creative enough. - Terrence Friday, May 20th 2005 - [302]A Picnic in the Park (17 of 24)
Original Commentary
Again, with the parallel themes of: talking about people behind their back. They're not always as far away as you think. Being around Kimberly tends to bring out the worst in Emily and vice versa. I'm trying to expand on a general theme of friendship this year. I think Emily, without Kimberly or Brisbane, is much more pleasant than we've seen her lately - Terrence
Modern Commentary
...why would Kimberly have David get her a croissant? Kimberly knows where they're hidden because she's the one who hid them there.
I kinda wish I had written something about Brisbane finding Kimberly's plan out, not really caring since he doesn't like Emily, and then - after meeting David - trying to get Kimberly to behave since otherwise he'll probably never get to hang out with David again.- Terrence Sunday, May 22nd 2005 - [303]A Picnic in the Park (18 of 24)
Original Commentary
That's the thing is that Kimberly and Emily know more embarassing secrets about each other than anyone else. And while Robert and Jane are nice enough people, Jake is abrasive and loud. The guys from the lounge are, well, you know them. And there are a few other people that Brisbane invited. They just haven't shown up yet (and probably won't) - Terrence Modern Commentary
That exchange in the first panel, the "Didn't know I was lost" - I'm sure I lifted it from somewhere. Muppets? Goon Show? Firesign Theatre? I have no idea what it's from now and I can't track it down.
I'm wondering about the eight people Emily invited. On one hand, we weren't going to spend too much time on background folks who we'll never see again. But in-comic, I'm assuming that half of them left because the picnic was out of food and the other half left because there was some crazy lady going around hiding things in the trees.
But yeah, look at David. Just being dragged around, not saying or doing anything. Bad omen for a new character. I had wanted to do more with him but no work means no work. - Terrence
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